i went to a party and put 3 whole loaves of sliced bread all around the house i put bread under the kid’s pillow and in all 3 of his bathrooms, in his rugby shorts and the breast pocket of his school shirt, on his roof and his neighbor’s roof, in his couch and on his tv i’m laughing so hard he’s going to wake up hungover tomorrow and be like why the fuck is there bread everywhere
i’m pissing myself
Imagine having 2 dads, and then them divorcing and dating other men. Then you’d have 4 dads.
The amount of dad jokes…
"Hi hungry, I’m dad."
"Hi dad, I’m dad too!"
"Hi dad too, I’m dad three."
"Hi dad three, I’m dad."
What have you done
I’ve been watching this for 5 minutes and giggling like an idiot.
HURR DURR DURR IMA DOG
I DON’ USUALLY REBLOG SHIT LIKE THIS BUT I LAUGHED SO HARD IT ECHOED
so much sass
Cat: Mom look! i’m a dog like you *durr durr woof woof*
Dog: Don’t you sass me child
my dad grew this potato that looks like a shark so he stuck a paper fin in it and he’s calling it Sharktato
it’s on a stick because he likes to move it around and sing the jaws theme song
please can someone create a transparent toaster so i can see how my toast is while its toasting
What if it bites me and it dies?
that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.
What if it bites itself and I die?
What if it bites me and someone else dies?
That’s correlation, not causation.
what if we bite each other and neither of us die
oh my god
this is still my favorite text post collaboration ever
I rarely reblog stuff like this, but this is so damn clever and hilarious.
(Source) for the fact in the picture
Mike Wazowski joins the Avengers.
THOR’S HAMMER IS BLOCKING HIS FACE I AM DYING
the Winchesters taught him well
more fanfictions about muggle-borns sneaking in pencils and calculators, and trading them illicitly, little black-market eraser dealers and “yo I got some graph paper if you wanna fuckin pass astronomy this year”
can they be nicknamed smuggle-borns or